He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have tasted many bathrooms
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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