I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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