im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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