I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
