Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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