I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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