apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
