I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
