Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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