I skipped work to stalk him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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