that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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