ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
