i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
