We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
