Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
