Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
