Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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