Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize