i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
