Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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