You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize