i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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