I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
