I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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