I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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