i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize