I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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