She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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