I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
