Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
