Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
