I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
