New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
