I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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