I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my shit smells like andre
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
