we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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