So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
