Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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