I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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