At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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