mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
