Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
