Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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