kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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