I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need help removing her.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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