I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
