Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
