Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
