we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
