I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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