I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
