Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
