I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
