I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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