He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
