Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
