i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A bitchslap is in order.
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