its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
