Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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